An Amazing Time Out Secret…

Timeouts don’t work for every kid and every situation but for some kids and some moments it is the perfect way to handle a situation. My tip below is to get even more benefit out of time outs.

Here’s the backstory, my 4-year old daughter used to go to timeout and whine the entire time she was there. It just didn’t feel the most beneficial any more. (I’m a big believer of trusting your parenting instincts.) So I started implementing a new “rule” that the timeout area is not for whining, it’s for silence. Or better yet, for thinking.

That’s when a friend of mine suggested the name, the thinking chair.

Or the thinking zone.

Yes!!!

Personally, I’m not getting rid of the name timeout (at least not yet), I’m just tagging the “thinking chair” concept on to it.

Do This Before Time Out

Set the expectation.

I might say something like, “Hey. That {action} was not ok. It was {mean}. Go sit in timeout. And remember, timeout is not for whining, it’s a thinking chair for you to think. You can get up when you are ready to be kind again.”

Do This After Time Out

When timeout is over (your house rule might be they can get up when they changed their attitude or when the timer goes off, either way), it’s important to have a conversation with them after. 

Talk through the entire thing that just happened. Make sure they understand what they did wrong, why it was wrong, why they had to sit in timeout, what they can do next time, how they can apologize, etc.

This part is soooo important.

This crucial conversation is the most important part of any discipline, it helps them form their inner voice, their inner compass. In essence, you are teaching them HOW TO THINK.

This way they’ll learn how to think next time they’re in timeout. And the skill of controlling your thoughts and positive thinking is something that will continue with them the rest of their life and be one of the largest influences on their life.

Quick note, this thinking chair concept is not age appropriate for my almost 2 year old. His main job in timeout is to stay there and not get up until I tell him time’s up. But for my 4 year old and her personality the thinking chair concept is perfect.

As always, you know your child best. Trust your instincts. Try this out, if it works great. If it doesn’t, that’s great too. Because that means you are in tune with you, your child and your relationship enough to see what does and doesn’t work. This is how we grow as parents…

1. Read new ideas.
2. Take action, try it out.
3. Decide if it works for your family.

What do you think of the thinking chair concept + teaching them HOW to think? Leave your thoughts in the comments. As always, I love hearing different perspectives as long as you keep them kind and are commenting from a place of love.

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