“So what are you guys waiting for?” I would be lying if I said this question didn’t make me cringe every time someone said it. Whether they know your journey or not it can cut deep. Those who struggle with infertility would love nothing more than to stop the waiting the game. Stop the every month roller coaster. However, the cards are stacked against them. The odds are not in their favor, and frankly, they don’t know if it will ever happen. Infertility isn’t a one-size-fits-all problem, and isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution. Every situation is different, and here are 5 things people who struggle with infertility want you to know:
5 Things people struggling with infertility want you to know.
- We don’t want attention, we just need to vent. Often times this battle with infertility is just between husband and wife. Both need an outlet to discuss the feeling of loss and frustrations outside of their home. Infertility is trying on any relationship and being able to say things that would otherwise harm your spouse can be said to a safe friend who you can be vulnerable with.
- Please stop saying: “You need to stop trying, it will happen when it’s meant to happen,” or “Don’t worry, if it’s supposed to happen it will.” This just hurts. While most intentions behind this are good and just trying to make conversation out of an otherwise “awkward” topic, it is still hurtful. Say things like “Is there anything we can do to help?” “Can we watch your dog while you take a vacation and getaway for a weekend?”
- It gets asked a lot, “Why don’t you just adopt?” Adoption is great! In fact I personally think it’s wonderful, but it’s not for everyone. It is not a decision that should be made hastily and taken lightly. It too is a forever decision and should be made with care. Adopting doesn’t just automatically take the guilt and sting out of not being able to have biological children. It’s not meant to be a cure.
- Have you tried IVF/Acupuncture/Chlomid/Surrogate? This is tricky. It’s not always a simple “do this and your problem will be solved.” here is the solution. There are other factors such as insurance, success rates, and health risks. Just like Adoption, IVF/surrogacy isn’t for everyone. Even if you have the money, it’s not a guaranteed baby in 40 weeks. Each couple has to determine what is best for them. What works for one might not work for the next. There are risk factors with any medical procedure. Each couple has to educate themselves and decide what is best for their lifestyle.
- Don’t avoid us because you get pregnant or you do have kids. While the elephant of infertility will always be in the room, alienating yourself as a friend will just hurt more. Be there and be willing to just listen. No advice, no “what’s next,” just listen.
Creating life and being pregnant is one of the most natural things you can do in life…. Until it’s not. Instead your “natural” becomes sterile testing, temperature charting, and hours in waiting rooms. The world of Infertility is one that is different for everyone and is uncharted territory. We hope you will educate yourself about infertility so that you can be the listening ear for someone in your life struggling with this difficult time. Hopefully soon you will be celebrating new life and scheduling playdates!
Have an infertility success story? We would love to hear your stories! Comment below or find us on Facebook.
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