Why can’t I meet grandpa?
I know one day you will look me in the eyes and ask why you can’t meet grandpa. And grandma. I know one day you’ll wonder where my mom and dad are. I know one day you’ll start to wonder why you only have one set of grandparents in your life.
I know one day you’ll wonder.
And as hard as it will be for me to answer, I will answer. Because speaking truth is the only way to stop an abuser.
I won’t be able to tell you everything at once. In pieces I will tell you each part, with the weight your heart can handle for that age.
I know one day you’ll wonder about your grandparents.
I wish you could meet them. It kills me that you can’t. As you grow, I’ll be able to tell you a little more of the story with each passing year. The weight of the entire story is too heavy to be told all at once.
I know one day you’ll wonder about grandpa.
Your grandpa, my dad, is an abuser.
He has chosen sin over family and for that reason he can’t be apart of our lives.
I know one day you’ll wonder about grandma.
For years I thought it was only him but I came to learn that my mom, your grandma, chose to stand by and allow for abuse to happen. And because she still allows it she can’t be apart of our lives.
It breaks my heart that you can’t meet them. If there was anything I could do to change this I would. But sadly your grandma and grandpa have chosen a life that we do not fit into. One we do not want to fit into. While we are dancing in a field of flowers out in the sunlight, they are hiding in a cave, choosing darkness.
One day when you are old enough, you can make these decisions for yourself. But for now it’s mine and daddy’s duty to protect you.
I know one day you’ll wonder.
Always ask and I promise, I will always answer in the weight your age can handle.
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This post is part of a series on child abuse prevention. I’ve banding together with a group of bloggers to educate so we can prevent. #endbeforeitstarts
If you came from a messy family life know that,
“No matter what our background, each of us has the ability to control our own happiness.”
We also have the ability and duty to safe guard our own children. But in order to do so we must learn about abuse and abusers and know what to look for.
Also, remember, forgiving does not mean forgetting.
I have moved on from my past. But we can not forget, because forgetting would be allowing for everything to happen again to the next generation.
Dismissing a Mother From Your Life — “I had to dismiss her, dismiss the abuse and dismiss the dysfunction to allow room for my family to thrive.”
What Child Abusers Actually Looks Like
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Thankyou for this. Any tips on how much and when to tell. .
I font want my kids to feel lied to, but also want to protect them. Right now we say he wasn’t a nice man and use to hurt us and grandma but I know as they get older the sexual abuse side needs to be spoken about too.
Amy Smith says
Hi Alida, I, too, was abused as a child and vowed to do everything within my power to protect my children from such a fate. While I knew this in my heart as a young mom, it took a long time to be able to find my voice and call my abuser to account, to stand up for myself and, in essence, for the young people who might be future victims of my abuser. I honor you for your bravery; it is so very hard. I am praying God will continue to give you strength to stand up for your family.
I can’t tell you how thankful I am to read this post. As I tucked in my little girl tonight I wondered, “when is she going to ask about papa?”. This will be her first birthday without him here. She is turning five in June. It has been a long road but God gave me courage with the help of counselor, husband and friends to say-“I think that it’s best to take a break from our family.” I don’t know what I will say right now but your words are very thought provoking. I do want to chose the light even though the rest of my family choses darkness. I guess sometimes I miss the idea of a safe mom and loving sister.