I see your judgmental glance, I know you think I’m too young to have kids. I see you look me up and down, wondering how old I am. It’s amazing how quickly you judge.
Then, the moment you see my husband, I wish you could see your face.
She’s married? He looks decent.
You don’t hide your shock well.
Why didn’t they wait? It must have been an accident.
In that moment, I wish it was socially acceptable to tell you 3 little words…
They were planned.
I know you’d be confused. You’d stare at me in disbelief.
Why? You’re so young. There’s so much to see and experience before you have kids.
I’m going to let you in on a little secret.
We’ve never regretted it once.
They were planned. And they were planned perfectly.
I know you don’t agree but that’s ok, our timing isn’t about you.
I know you waited, you waited till you had that perfect house, that gorgeous SUV, and that comfy sum in your bank account.
We didn’t.
I have the SUV now, I have the gorgeous house, they came with time. But the kids came first.
I wish you could have seen my little beat up Ford and our Chevy pick up truck that had so many miles the odometer stopped working. I wouldn’t change it for the world, there is power in the journey and I’m so glad my kids get to walk it with me.
They were planned but even if they weren’t, why does it matter to you?
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I love this!
🙂
How awesome is this post? WOW!! I just looove it.
I am 22 and my daughter just turned 3. Maybe her arrival took us a little by surprise, but I`ll sure tell you that she is the BEST thing to ever happen to me!! I can`t imagine our live without her! I embrace people`s looks, and I smile at them – because their judgement does not make any difference to my love for my life and child! She is beyond happy and we do just fine, and I know we are amazing parents… So I just smile and say “yes, I am young. I am privileged to have a few more years of knowing and being part of my child`s life.”
I love, LOVE your reply! Beautiful put, it is such a privilege to have those extra years!
I am a newly wed and only 20 and we are already talking about having kids and how we know God will give us kids when he knows we are ready. I am young but I am ready despite what others think! I think the hardest unfortunately will be what my parents think if we do end up getting pregnant in the near future. I love your blog. Thank you for being open and willing to share your experiences.
Sending support your way… <3
How lovely well done.
My story bit different, had my beautiful daughter at 17 just, had to put up with ” you don’t look old enough to have a baby” for years, their sly enquiries, insincerity etc. My daughter has grown up has two wonderful children both at university now, and she runs her own business. And yes I take some credit for this.
I didn’t marry her father thankfully he emigrated! Tough years ahead but eventually met someone who loved me and my daughter, happy endings. X
What a beautiful “happily ever after”. No two stories look the same and it sounds like you did a great job raising her.
Thank you for this post! You are so right about the judgmental looks that strangers give you as a young parent. Even as a 31 year old mom I still get these looks. I received one from a mom while in the waiting room at the doctors office. As she sat waiting with her teen daughter (who played on a cell phone the entire time) I was sitting quietly with my 4 kids, they were all behaved and having conversations with one another. My oldest who is 12, was asking me something and while I was thinking of how to answer her I happened to glance the direction of the other mom and caught one of the dirtiest looks yet. Granted I look younger than my 31 years and my daughter looks older than her 12 but I don’t know why there has to be this judgment from other moms. Yes I am young, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be a good parent.
Sometimes people can be so rude. You just keep rocking the mom life and know you have a huge support behind you. 🙂
I’m sorry that our current culture makes you feel that you have to justify having kids when you’re young. When I married at nineteen in 1980, it was no longer typical, but it also wasn’t as unusual as it seems to be now. I had my first child at twenty, with another coming fifteen months later. Believe me, looking back on it now, there were so many good things about being a young mom! I had so much energy, was very creative, and really had fun with my kids. Also, because we married young, my husband and I grew up together and have shared all of our adult lives together. This really binds you together. Thirty-six years and eight kids later, we have had a very full and happy life together. I truly wouldn’t change anything about it! Ironically, after playing the role of young mom, I eventually became a really old mom, when I had my last daughter at the age of forty-six! That brings its own set of weird looks and comments from people, believe me!
Love this! Mothering is beautiful regardless of age. <3
I’m a young mom too. I look younger than I am.. My step daughter is 17. People constantly assume we are sisters or friends bc I don’t look old enough to be a parent to a child that age. My son is 16 months. Mostly though I get smiles and support. I don’t assume people are judging me or thinking ugly thoughts. The mind set that I am blessed to be able to be alive longer for my kids than older parents might be just isn’t where I’m coming from. If the nice house and shiny suv came first bc the parents wanted to be financially stable before kids or maybe couldn’t get pregnant right away, that’s awesome. That was right for them. I guess I just don’t assume people really are that interested in my life or my kids or how old I was when I had them. All moms should be supportive of one another bc it’s a hard job.
we had our first son when i was just 23, and on top of that, i have always had a baby face. i really did feel the burn of strangers’ eyes on me. we were married for just over a year before he was born. he was planned too. we have had beat up cars too. he was planned, as were our next 3 children. i feel you.
As a 31 yo independently parenting my 13 year old daughter, I still get looks of disbelief and shock, “You’re a mom?” The morally offended are still around, but do not seem to calculate their disapproval as quickly as they used to when we were both much younger. “You have a baby?!” was spiteful and “You look too young to have a teenager” contains balanced notes of, “…haha, you should have fun with those years!”
This is the first mom blog post that has resonated with me in a long time. My daughter was planned and yes we were very young (17 and 18). What did I do differently? I didn’t stop first to check if my family, my community, or society was ready for our family. I made a commitment to the little life that was to be, and trusted that as I asked, the universe would provide. That is not to say I didn’t have a plan, but trusting that, in fact, we are ALL kids here, I was able to execute my life plan effectively.
For all of the immature decisions we make in our youth, certainly the decision to bring forth and nurture life should be met with respect, support and love. Respect, as I didn’t ask permission from anyone, has been hard-won. The tough choices that young parents have to make in terms of sacrifice demonstrate a level of devotion to your children that I am realizing is rare. However, most of society doesn’t consider this or take notice. Young parents, from my experience, get into the moment with their kids and enjoy “realtime” more often because likely, in some ways, they are just kids, too. All of Earth’s inhabitants are kids. There is no “adult,” only responsibility, respect, dependability and determination. At 17, I was ready to demonstrate these.
My daughter is a beautiful, smart and vivacious teen that loves all creatures and respects and believes in herself. She knows that life is often a battle with the self first, and because of this, many are fighting the same inner battles. She can share, listen, empathize, show love and forgiveness and put herself in even a stranger’s shoes. She has boundaries and can say “no”, makes decisions on friendships based on if it is truly helping or harming, and can be open and honest with her mom about most of it.
As I see my daughter flourish in her adolescence, I try to remind myself to stop and critically look at the picture, acknowledging the reality that the world has missed: My daughter and I are a success story. I have raised her without a partner, child support, or otherwise, completed university and chased my dreams, she has grown into the type of person we all want to be, and we have, together, been steady in realizing our goal of creating a life that we love, surrounded by the people we love, doing the things we love. We started in a position of requiring support, nurturing, acceptance – and were denied these. In creating them for ourselves, we can pass this on to others and add to the voice of defense for young, often single and isolated, parents. (Don’t give up!)
Thank you for the article and the moment to reflect.