Here are 10 fun ideas to continue cultivating confidence in your child! Remember, I’m a mom like you, these are ideas that we’re currently learning, trying or doing. Please share with us what’s working in your house in the comments at the end of the post.
1. Encourage exploration & imagination.
Create and allow for opportunities for them to learn on their own and discover their surroundings. Limit screen time so they have to self-entertain and create fun for themselves rather than having a device doing the work for them.
2. Limit how often you use the word “no.”
First let me say, I believe there is a time and place for the word no and is a word that children do need to here. The reminder here is to simply be more thoughtful that you don’t over use it and discourage your child’s creativity and confidence.
3. Give specific compliments.
Give specific compliment for the behavior you want to see more of!
“I noticed you helped your sister clear the table even though it wasn’t your night. That was very sweet and shows true character, keep it up!”
“I’m so impressed! It took a lot of determination to finish that puzzle.”
4. Eye contact.
There was a video circulating Facebook a while back about how young toddlers think they are hidden when they cover their eyes (and no other part of their body). I decided to try it with my 3 year old daughter, I covered my eyes and asked her if she could see me. She responded, “no.” I uncovered my eyes and asked again if she could see me. She responded, “yes.” We did this several times with the same results. Several months later, I tried it with my 2 year old son again with the same results.
The point is kids need eye contact from us and not just during discipline. They need it during positive moments to feel loved and safe so they can continue to grow confidently to who they were meant to be.
The book How to Really Love a Child has an entire chapter on the importance of eye contact!
5. Quality time.
Quality time with kids can not be bought. It requires giving children your most precious resource—time. But giving up our time to spend quality time with our kids reaps tremendous results!
6. Teach them how to create goals.
Check out this great post on Making a Bucket List with Your Kid to help you get started.
7. Assign them with age appropriate chores.
Chores allows for a sense of ownership, teach responsibility and ultimately create confidence in who they are as individuals.
For older children assigning chores ahead of time teaches self management as well. Some kids will need reminders and directions to begin, especially if chores are new to them. Eventually you want to get to the point where they are self managing, here are some examples of what you can say to help.
- “I’ve noticed you’ve been doing a great job making your bed! What’s your plan for cleaning the toys off the floor?”
- “Don’t forget the kitchen needs to be swept before dinner.”
- “I’d love to watch a movie with you but remember chores have to be done first.”
You know your child best, figure out what works for your family, you can search Pinterest for more resources like chore sticks, chore bracelets and age appropriate chores.
8. Give them a confidence boost.
Pick one of their bigger goals and create opportunities for it to happen. An example would be if they need extra money for it to happen don’t just hand them a wad of cash, hire them to clean the house or wash the car for x amount of money or help them have a bake sale for the neighbors. With older children and larger goals they may have to do multiple tasks over multiple days to earn enough.
9. Conversation.
Teach kids how to communicate by communicating with them. Have frequent conversations about the littles things as well as the big things. This book is a great place to start, it includes a question to ask your kids each day!
10. Model Good Behavior.
Our children are watching us, whether we like it or not. Modeling behavior is one of the most powerful ways to teach behavior. Let’s act the way we want our kids to act—modeling love, joy, peace, patience, etc.
Thanks for being part of our community! God bless!
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Rebekah says
I’m afraid I’m going to be picky. Number three says not to say “good job”. But a few of the following examples of affirmation later on say “great job….” Was your point just to get more specific about the “job”?
Alida TheRealisticMama says
Yes, specific compliments that show that you took the time and care about their achievement. Thanks for asking! 🙂
Rebekah Hall says
Yeah, it sounded to me like she was recommending being more specific about what was a great job! Saying “good job” isn’t bad, but it can become a very dismissive phrase (how many times have I found myself saying it just to get the little voices to stop repeating themselves!). I’ve also recently learned a lot about praising character as well as achievement – this builds self-efficacy in our kids (the belief that they can make a real change in their own lives and in the world) and not just building up their self-esteem (which can often be easily deflated with one comment).
Alida TheRealisticMama says
Thanks for chiming in! What a wonderful {and true} point on the important of praising character as well, glad you brought that up.
Aliece says
Additionally the phrase “good job” is feed back that can be hard to repeat because it is not specific enough. When criticism or praise includes exactly what you liked or would like to see more of, the recipient’s ability to repeat the behavior increases. Saying “excellent work on starting to make your bed all by your self” is so much more exact than “good job” and allows your little learner to repeat or even generalize that aspect of the task for continued success else where.
Vanessa says
Love this post and all the super cute pictures!!! 🙂 Pinned!
Joan says
As a female engineer raised by a single mom in a technical career of her own think you moms are off a little, but well intentioned. My mom did not encourage me or discourage me with words. She set an example and gave me a lot of freedom. I decided on my own to paint in 3d, fix bikes, and become an engineer. When she died at a young age I continued on my path and became an engineer. Try being as creative and confident in your own activities as you expect your kids to be ns tread of telling them how great they are.
Daniela says
Great and realistic information! I love letting the little ones I’ve have take care of pick their own clothes for the day, even if it looks silly. I feel it develops a sense of independence and personality and confidence.
http://www.aznannies.com
Mel says
Thank you for sharing this, and for including the video. I try to encourage my daughter to pursue her interests, and that video made me feel good about the choices my partner and I make for her, and the support we offer her. Your other suggestions are so true. It is often so easy to get caught up in the every day and forget to really engage with your child. It’s nice to have a reminder about why all those little conscious choices are so important in the grand scheme of things, for us, and our kids.
Pinning this 🙂 xx
Alida TheRealisticMama says
Thanks for stopping by (and thanks for the pin)! Sounds like you are doing a great job providing support and a healthy environment for your daughter to grow, keep up the hard work mama!
Janine Halloran says
Thanks for these ideas! So glad I found this on mama reads monday! In my family, I’ve been working on some of these including chores (sometimes successfully, sometimes not), but I love the idea of working on setting goals! I’m going to start working on that!!
Alida TheRealisticMama says
So glad you found us, it was so sweet of her to feature us. Sounds like you are doing a great job with your kids and opening to learning and growing – love!
Andi says
I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this post and the approach you have. I don’t have kids, so I try not to judge the extremely challenge (and rewarding) task it is to raise kids! I see so many parents coddling their children and by the time they are adults they don’t know how to deal with the world! I love your tips for building confidence, because you are teaching them to be strong confident individuals without the coddling!
Lisa says
Thanks for this post-very interesting and great to hear that (most of) what we’re doing is going the right direction 🙂
Sagarika Sahana says
When it comes to raising our child with confidence, it will certainly be our pulling-the-socks-up duty to nurture them with virtues & stuffs that would always last with them even they would grow and take their selves up there in society; in responsible state. It is how we grow our child with a lot more tips that will likely tell how confident they would be; the tips displayed herein are just amazing and sound so justifying. Rightly inspiring them for what they actually do, not overprotecting them; caring and encouraging for right things they do and helping them with their life goals – are important protocols to get them confident enough; correct!
Emily says
Hello! I love this article, and with my four year old boy, wonder if it’s too late! I know, he is 4, and kids are resilient, but I’m often too hard on him. I want him to learn the ropes and make his life easier, but I also want him to be creative and original! Is there a happy medium?
Jess says
Very thoughtful post, I like the 3rd one and is something I try to remember and incorporate.
Emily says
LOVE the specific compliments idea! As a teacher, that’s something I do to cultivate a happy/safe classroom environment, as well as good behavior from my students (positive reinforcement, if you will). As a mom I find myself saying “you’re so cute!” to my 9 month old daughter all the time. I know she’s not old enough to really understand that yet, but this was a good reminder for me to focus on her character and things she does, rather than just her looks.
Also love the age appropriate chores!!! My parents never required my sister and I to do chores much outside of cleaning our rooms. However, I think it’s important to do. It shows teamwork, reality of life, and it helps with a sense of pride and accomplishment.
Thanks for sharing!