There are many of us who don’t have one of “those moms,” the moms we can call in the middle of the night when our kid has a fever and we don’t know what to do. The mom we can text whenever we have a random cooking question or just having a bad day. I’ll be the first to say, I wish I had a mom to call like this but I don’t.
I read an amazing article the other day on 10 reason to dismiss someone from your life. “I may not dismiss you forever, but I certainly won’t spend more time with you and reward your negative behavior in my life.” Several years ago we had to do this to my parents, who were not respecting boundaries and were creating a negative effect on me and my kids.
But even after dismissing them I was still forgetting one thing… I was still holding on to a false hope.
A hope that one day, one far off day, it would all be better. One day I would have this woman who would get over her selfishness, abuse, and sin and be the mom she was called to be.
While there is nothing wrong with hoping, I was not moving forward, I was stuck dreaming and wanting something that I couldn’t have. There is still the chance that one day she will change, but until then I need to enjoy the present moment and the things that I do have. But in order to do so I had to let go of the hope.
I had to stop fantasizing that my mom would magically change — I can not change her. I know that. But it’s a hard pill to swallow.
As badly as I wanted to keep her, or the idea of her, or should I say the idea of what I wanted her to be, hanging on was only holding me back. The day I dismissed my mom was the best thing I could have done for my family. It was incredibly hard but so freeing.
I let go of her and let go of the hope.
Now I’m going to be real with you for a moment, after letting go it’s not a walk in the park, it’s worth it but it’s still so, so hard. Like, really, really hard.
It’s hard not to wish, hope, daydream but we have to remember the bigger picture.
I had to dismiss her, dismiss the abuse and dismiss the dysfunction so I could allow room for my family to thrive.
Trying to figure out this parenting thing is no walk in the park, regardless of your parents, but without a mom on your team it’s not only hard, it can also be lonely.
I remember having a newborn, and the million and one questions (not to mention emotions) that came with it. It was tough not having a mom to turn to. It’s amazing how many things you are figuring out and worrying about those first few weeks.
Google helps, especially in the middle of the night, but as much as I love Google it will never replace a mom. There is a place in our heart, in human nature, a need for another women in our lives who we can turn to when we need help. As amazing as my husband is, he can not fill every spot. There is a spot within me that longs for a mom.
But as hard as it was I had to remember the bigger picture. I had to dismiss her, dismiss the abuse and dismiss the dysfunction to allow room for my family to thrive.
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I also highly recommend checking out this book, which I stumbled upon by accident a few years ago. It is an affiliate link, but I promise it’s so good that I have 2 sitting on my bookshelf at home!
More Parenting Resources:
Take a little time each day for yourself: 20 Ways Every Mom Should Treat Herself
For more encouragement on making it through the different seasons of motherhood, Amanda, at Dirt and Boogers, pulled together some of the best resources and made an AHmazing list! It’s a great one to pin and come back to when those changes happen.
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