“During birth you’re focused on getting baby out safely. But afterwards you grieve the birth you didn’t have.”A beautiful, healthy baby, is that enough?
Her dream was a natural hospital birth but reality was she had a C-section. But her baby is healthy, isn’t that enough?
Her dream was a peaceful home birth but reality was she had a hospital transfer. But her baby is healthy, isn’t that enough?
That is not the right question to ask.
There is now an added depth to her birth experience, a layer that shouldn’t be ignored.
For some of theses mamas when they hold their little baby for the first time there is more than just the usual joy experienced, they are also overcome with feelings of sadness, frustration, depression, and insecurities because they did not achieve the birth experience they had dreamed. These are very real and raw emotions.
There are also some mamas who are emotionally happy and content after their birth but they may need extra help around the house because of longer recovery time. Each birth is unique and no two births should be grouped together. The only way to know how she’s doing is is to ask.
Don’t assume. Ask her:
How are you feeling?
What can I do to help?
And then listen. Don’t tell her how she should be feeling. Don’t assume anything. Listen for her specific needs and be there for her.
She is my hero.
“Birth is an opportunity to transcend. To rise above what we are accustomed to, reach deeper inside ourselves than we are familiar with, and to see not only what we are truly made of, but the strength we can access in and through Birth.” — Marcie Macari
Remind her that she is your hero, that she is her baby’s hero and that she is enough.
*A huge thank you to the mama in the photo for letting us glimpse her birth. And Sarah Carter Photography for capturing the moment.*
This post is apart of the The Ultimate Guide To Baby’s First Year Blog Hop. For more posts on Taking Care of New Parents:
5 Things New Parents Really Need
Ways to Reset When Suffering From Postpartum Depression
Ways to sneak in me-time when you have a new baby
5 Fast Ways to Refresh as a Mom
Getting Through the First Months: 5 Golden Rules for New Parents
Find even more great resources for Pregnancy and Birth: Follow Alida | The Realistic Mama’s board Pregnancy/Birth/Newborn on Pinterest. Visit Alida | The Realistic Mama’s profile on Pinterest. Follow Dayna :: Lemon Lime Adventures’s board Everything Baby on Pinterest.
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Betsy @ BPhotoArt says
This is so true. But, along those same lines, moms who had a birth that didn’t go as planned will not always tell people the real problem — I was guilty of that after my cesarean… In response to “how are you doing?” I’d say, “fine” — my thought process was no one wanted to hear about how I was frustrated or sad with the recovery for me, disappointed in the way the birth progressed, etc. I guess it depends on who is asking though, huh? As to whether the mom will feel her honest answer gets criticized or supported.
The Realistic Mama says
That’s a great point. I do believe it makes a huge difference who is asking, how much you trust them, etc. Thanks for sharing.
Amanda says
I’m so glad you shared this! I relive the birth of my daughter all the time because it was not what I had expected or planned. I couldn’t really figure out why it bothered me or why I can’t just let go. After reading this, I realize it’s normal and I’m almost relieved to know other women may feel disappointed or upset about how the birth of their child went.
The Realistic Mama says
If you have the time and are looking for support, ICAN meetings can be really encouraging.