My daughter’s first birthday is just around the corner and already her personality, stubbornness and will power is showing very clearly and I absolutely love it! She’s shy and reserved and takes time to warm up to new people. She spends a lot of time thinking, focusing, and trying to figure things out. All of this she’s learned and developed and she’s not even a year old! It’s so important that we are already starting to lay a strong foundation for her life. 1/18 of her childhood with me has already flown by! Don’t wait until you baby/toddler is older to start instilling confidence, now is the perfect time.
{If your kids are older check out our most popular post: 10 Ways to Raise a Confident Child.}
I am a HUGE believer in the importance of raising a confident child. Babies are born with confidence, that’s why even though they fall a million times a day they still get up again and again and learn how to walk. It’s our jobs as moms to make sure it stays and help grow it and not in any way squish it. The baby and toddler stage is so much fun, let’s help use this time to raise confident littles.
Remember, babies are smarter than we give them credit for.
10 Ways to Raise a Confident Baby/Toddler
1. Slow down your life long enough to play with them.
This shows them that they are important and what they are doing is important. I’ll be honest, sometimes their games can get boring, especially when they get really repetitive but remember to them it’s a BIG deal. Dinner can always be delayed 20 minutes, unplug and just sit on the floor next to them or play chase through the house, they’ll be big before you know it.
2. Encourage independent exploration and learning.
Give them time to play on their own, without entertaining them, so they can explore, imagine and figure it out by themselves. Do this a little bit everyday. We also love to set up sensory bins and then let them free play however they like with it.
3.Baby Proof the right way.
Proof your house enough that you don’t have to say no to everything he/she tries to grab (and so they are safe!) but not too much that they never have to learn boundaries. This is such a balance, you will learn as you go and make changes and adjustments as you realize what is and isn’t working. Our house is baby proofed as follows:
-Anything that is dangerous is proofed!
-Things I would be upset if she touched I have moved out of her reach. This way I don’t have to say “no” constantly.
-Her toys are all within her reach. She knows where they are and can get them out whenever she is in the mood.
-There are 2 kitchen cabinets that are baby proofed shut and the rest are free for her to open they are full of baby safe stuff like pots and pans, tupperwear and more.
-Books have been left within her reach but she knows they are a special privilege and are to be handled with care. I have spent hours and hours with her next to the book shelf, helping teach her how to be gentle with the books. She has a separate shelf in a different room with her baby books and these she’s rougher with. She is not even 1 and she has started to learn the difference.
4. Make things reachable for them on their own.
For example, our keyboard has been moved from up on a stand to now sitting directly on the floor. This way she can reach it and play it anytime she’s in the mood to create music.
5. Allow them to do “big kid” tasks with you.
That way instead of them being around your feet, getting in the way and running down your patience they are involved with what you are doing.
When I cook, baby cooks. I’ll usually set her up in her high chair so she’s at counter height and fill her tray with cooking materials. It’s different every time. Sometimes she gets tupperware and plastic measuring cups, other days she gets a scoop of coconut oil for her to play with, squish and eat.
When I unload the dishwasher, baby unloads it too. She can reach the silverware. I clear away all the knives and sharp utensils before she makes her way in and then while I unload the rest of the dishes she unloads the silverware tray. Yes, she is simply unloading it and dropping it on the floor but I smile and tell her thanks for helping. Her hands are busy, which keeps me happy, and she has confidence in herself learning a new task! As she grows older we’ll start to slowly show her a place to put the silverware, keeping it at her height in a cabinet instead of in the typical drawer, which she wouldn’t be able to reach.
6. Show them how to complete tasks on their own.
Instead of getting the toy box out for them, show them how to open the cabinet and grab the box out themselves. But be warned, there are some tasks I wish I wouldn’t have taught her how to do and I did so on accident. After watching me once, she’s an expert on turning the DVD player and opening the disc drive. But again this has been an opportunity to teach her boundary. Rather than move it out of her reach we have taught her gently that it’s not hers to play with and that she needs to “find something else” to play with. Simply saying the words “find something else” doesn’t cut it, I had to take the time, guide her away and show her other toys at the same time, it took a few tries but then she got it.
7. Teach them to be confident communicators.
This point, along with many of the others, is one that you should continue to train them in for the rest of their childhood. For babies teaching them to communicated is obviously going to look very different than with your older kids, baby sign is a great place to start. I’ll admit we aren’t great at it, I don’t have the time to learn a million and one signs myself but honestly you don’t need a million signs. Small things like waving your hands after a meal to signal “all done” are big lessons in and of themselves.
Don’t get overwhelmed with baby sign, you don’t even have to get a book, a super simple thing like waving good-bye is a great lesson, too!
8. Limit how often you say “no.”
Little ones will respond more positively if you reroute and show them what they can do instead. There are times when no is necessary but more often than not redirecting them towards a positive choice works much better while keeping their confidence intact.
9. Notice their accomplishments!
Praise! Praise! Praise that little baby. Notice those small things they are doing, they things they are figuring out. Watch their little brains work and when they solve something or learn a new skill, notice and get excited with them!
10. Instill a strong feeling of trust.
It’s important that they know they are safe and know that you are always there for them. It’s never, ever too early to learn this. From day 1 your snuggles are already teaching them this lesson. I’ve also made it point to never sneak out and leave, I always kiss her good-bye, give her hugs, tell her I’ll be back and then wave bye-bye. Remember babies are people too and how you train them now is what they will come to expect as they grow as well.
And allow them to have personal space. Just because they are little doesn’t mean they have to have strangers touch forced on them. If your child doesn’t want to be hugged or picked up by a new person, respect that. Give them time to warm up to new people.
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Maureen Stiles says
I love these and would add “Give them a voice.” My policy is that my kids always have a voice but not necessarily a vote. By listening to their reasoning I am teaching them to advocate for themselves out in the world. Sometimes, after hearing them out, I actually see they are right. Of course, there are situations that call for blind submission to parents, but 9 times out of 10 I let them offer up an opinion even if I know I am right.The dialogue this reasoning opens up is a gift.
Alida TheRealisticMama says
Beautiful! I absolutely love that tip as well!
millie says
Love this thank you!!
Nell says
This is a great complement to a post I just wrote. I’m going to share it… thank you!
Alida says
Aw! Thanks for sharing!
Jamie says
Overall I enjoyed your article and agree with 9 out of 10 of your suggestions. I disagree with avoiding “No”. I agree that you should redirect children to do things that are allowed, but also believe they need to understand the value of “No”. There will be a variety of situations through out their lives that others will tell them “No” and they need to learn how to handle the disappointment they will likely feel when they hear someone tell them “No”. They also need to learn how to use “No” and they learn that through examples and boundaries.
Alida says
Thanks for your comment, I agree with your point! I must not have worded myself very well, I don’t agree with avoiding the word “no” completely, I think it’s about a balance of when to say it and when to redirect instead. I went ahead and reworded #9 and hoping it’s more clear!
Diane says
You don’t think it is just how they are born. I think it is more Extroverts, and Introverts. However, your tips were great. Wish I knew some of them before my son grew up.
Karen Patten says
This is a great list – and sometimes I wonder if it doesn’t all come down to treating children respectfully. The beauty in all of your suggestions is that they serve double purposes – both that they are deserving of respect and modeling for them how to treat others.
Amanda Ripsam says
I guess I did a lot of things right with my daughter she’s 8 years old and is very confident.
Jan Baillargeon says
I love this post and completely agree with everything you’ve said. I have only two kitchen drawers baby-proofed too and my daughter has been helping me unload the dishwasher since she was able to stand. I look forward to reading more of your posts!
Have you heard of the Learning Tower? I’m not affiliated at all. I bought one on Craigslist and use it with my daughter all the time. You may want to check it out since you like cooking with your daughter. It’s one of my favorite things to do with my daughter. Check out my post about it if you have a couple minutes:
http://lovedandnourished.com/2015/06/15/the-learning-tower/
🙂
Alida says
I love it! I wish I could find one on Craigslist near me, I’ve been looking for something similar and am almost to the point of having my husband just build me one!
Jasmine says
I love this and I’ve been trying to raise my son with all these same principles. He’s 18 months now and I have to say, we avoided “no” as much as possible and instead would say “not for River,” I can already strongly see the impact this has had on him. He’s still barely saying words but he says “no” but very freely and as a choice, yes or no. He doesn’t abuse it and use it to fight our will. And he doesn’t seem to see it as a negative thing. He’s been brought up with it being a fact and not as a word used against him when he’s not going to get his way. He hasn’t been taught that boundaries are a negative thing. I love this about him and couldn’t be more pleased with his freedom of using boundaries and respecting others while still being kind.